Born Again!!... and again... and again... and again...

Attending a new church over these past few months has brought forth some things that one is hardly confronted with when attending the same church since birth. Upon coming to my new temporary church and meeting people, they began to ask me when I became a Christian.

I could not answer them.

I would say things like, "Oh you know... there was this time a while back... when I felt like becoming one... so I did." The thing is though, what exactly does it mean to "become" a Christian? I had never been faced with this question before. Attending the same Church since birth, people just naturally assumed I was "christian" and never gave it a second thought.

So how does a "christian" become a Christian then. Is it through a pledge-- an acceptance of a certain doctrine. Is it through a traditional ceremony like baptism or profession of faith. Possibly, but those are just vehicles through which one publicly and symbolically expresses his desire for God-- for God's involvement in his life. So then, to become Christian one must accept Jesus into his heart-- into his life.

It seems though, that over the years, I've done this countless times. Each time accepting God for different reasons.

In my early childhood, because I grew up with Christian parents and because they told me to in Sunday School. Not much to say here. Basically a sucker for institutionalization.

In elementary school because my friend(s) said they were. Pier pressure anyone?

In high school, because that's the customary age at which a young "christian" does his profession of faith. Merely for ceremonial reasons and tradition. It felt real and sincere at the time, and maybe it was, but any any lasting effect of this "change" drowned out after the initial celebration faded away. I was the same person, only now I'd been to some classes and told a bunch of people who already knew me I loved Jesus. Same me, only formally a Christian now.

Then of course there's now. Having moved away from Christian School and into University and the world beyond, I've begun again to feel compelled to give my Heart over to Jesus. This time for protection. Wishing him to safe guard it from the evil that besets me. The corruption of the secular world seeks to draw me eternally away from him. I cannot hold on. Alone I cannot stay this course-- hold my Heart in place. I need Him to do it. I need him to protect my Heart, so that my eyes may see the world, but my Heart may not absorb it. I wish to see the brokenness of this world, but not be consumed into it. Only He, at this time, can safeguard my Heart. I feel I need him too, from the brokenness I see in this world. Having stepped over the threshold from my Christian Cottage into the surrounding Secular Wasteland, I've seen the terribleness of this society we live in. A society in need of God. A society that, if I am to live in it, requires my acceptance of God now more than ever.

Will this time be THE time? Were any of those previous times THAT time? I've never not believed in God, I've always trusted in Him-- in the path He'd lay out for me. Yet I never had that one pivotal moment all people who become Christians are "supposed" to experience. Should I have one of those? Is that the way it's always supposed to work? I suppose I may find out some time. But until then I must give my self up one more time


















I lay my Heart bare at your doorstep oh Lord. I come knocking-- rapping at the door to your safe haven. Keep my Heart safe, and carry my Soul down Your Holy path as this flesh travels the roads that court Hades. Though I cling precariously to these last remaining threads linking me to my previous life, hold me steadfast Lord. Do not let me fall off this precipice into the swirling waters of this society, to have my head crushed against these boulders-- these stones of empty satisfaction. I give up Lord. Hold onto me Lord, because only You can.